Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Safety First

Story time.

I was at kick boxing this morning and we're learning this new routine, which leads to me day dreaming about when I was in college since I just jump around anyway.

I went to BYU (Brigham Young University) in Provo, UT. It's this little city at the edge of a big mountain range where, stereotypically, the people are all semi-Stepford and religious and happy. So basically you think that it's safe. I did.

I would go running anywhere I could. I specifically liked this trail in the canyon along the river. It's paved and lots of people run/bike/roller blade on it. So it's usually very busy. One day I was running on the trail around 3pm, which I figured would be a high traffic time. Nope. Nobody else was on the trail.  Nobody.


I ran a few miles up and turned around to run back down. When I was in the middle of the trip down I started fiddling with my yellow Walkman radio (yes, it was that long ago).
I was running pretty slowly and noticed something in my peripheral vision so I turned my head. It was a man running next to me. And not just any man. This man was buck naked. Buck. Butt naked. For real. He had no clothes on. Not even shoes.

This is where my fight or flight adrenaline kicked in. But I was so scared that I couldn't fight or flight. I stood there (maybe still jogging slowly). I said "Oh... My... Gosh." in the lowest, most freaked out voice that I didn't know I had until then. I was alone. All by myself on a trail in the mountain. What could I do to protect myself? Absolutely nothing. I was at the mercy of this psycho naked man.

Luckily for me he didn't touch me. He grabbed his thing and did a little something but he didn't touch me. Thank goodness! But also SURPRISE innocent Kelli.  When he knew he had sufficiently scared me and done what he set out to do he ran back into the bushes.

By then I was able to move and I took off in a sprint to my car that was at least another mile away. I had a cell phone in the car so I called 911 and my boss at work who was like an uncle.
source: Clipart
He laughed and I cried. It literally freaked me out so badly. I no longer run alone on trails or places that are not high traffic. And I no longer think that all people are good in a safe city.  I also have pepper spray and I run with my phone.  You know that if I had pepper spray then I would have sprayed his naked ace.  And his eyes.

There is a point to this story that I want to share. Be careful. Be safe. Run with a partner or in places with a lot of traffic. Be smart! I was lucky but that's all it was. Luck.


  1. LOL! Oh. My. Gosh. That is hilarious...I mean years later, now that you're safe, and we can laugh about it!

  2. Seriously who does that?! What a dipstick! I'm glad nothing bad happened though!

  3. AWWW I heart Provo! WE have been in that area a couple of times for vacation. We also heart sand dunes, which is why we were there :) But I will definitely keep an eye out for naked running men from now on!! LOL this is actually a funny story, but I would have been equally as freaked out! Living in KS I don't run with a phone or anything, but I should. I was once running in a PARK and there was a drug bust going on and I almost got run over by an under cover cop!! But to know there were shaddy people just feet from where I was running was scary.

  4. Ahhh I dont know whether to laugh or be horrified! That is insane! I am so glad you are safe. I am very careful about running as one time..I was running on the road near my house and a car came to a near complete stop only to go up ahead turn around and pass me again. I was terrified. Thank goodness, I had my phone on me and my house was down the road.


  5. Oh my gosh. I'm pretty horrified! I'm glad you can laugh about it now but yeah I would've freaked out! So glad he didn't do anything to you, except freak ou out. What a weirdo.

  6. That's a pretty funny story. I bet he got exactly the reaction he wanted too. I would have kicked him where it counts. I think my fight drive is on overdrive sometimes. LOL

  7. Oh my gosh you poor thing. I would have been terrified.


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